I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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