Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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