I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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