the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
