Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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