im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
