The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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