You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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