I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize