hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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