also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My penis needs a shock collar
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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