i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
