You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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