dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
