hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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