omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
