Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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