So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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