WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
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Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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