if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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