I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
