I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
