Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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