so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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