do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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