if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
