the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
