Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
