I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
