Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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