i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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