Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
