How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
