Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
