he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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