I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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