the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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