i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
