omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
