At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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