So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
