The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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