dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
