the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
