i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
