The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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