it's too hot outside to masturbate.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
