would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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