Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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