Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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