I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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