Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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