Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
