last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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