I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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