Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
