Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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