When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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