he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
