the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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