all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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