I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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