rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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