I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
