I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
