I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
