mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
