I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
